i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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