I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
