I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
