when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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