Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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