I'm so fucking centered right now
why didn't you poke me back
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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