So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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