I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
