So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
