This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
