I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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