It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
