i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
