her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Bring me that man meat
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
