I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
