i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
