This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
