At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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