So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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