Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
