It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
