my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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