she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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