The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
