We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
