I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
