strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
