why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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