I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
