There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
