I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I need to calm my uterus...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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