You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
