Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
