so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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