I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
