I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
