why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
