I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
