and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
