Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize