So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
