hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
