I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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