i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize