Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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