left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
