she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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