dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
