When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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