Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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