My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
