Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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