is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In other news, I just burned my penis
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
