one two three fourrrrnication!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
