So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
