I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
