did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
