it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
