I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
