so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize