Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think I sprained my soul last night
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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