i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
