I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
