You made me cry and you don't even care
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Randomize
