then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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