I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
