It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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