I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
