Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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