absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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